Vigilante Violence - Barney Fife Style

Some of you might not now this but I’m a bit of a vigilante, not in any sort of Batman-need-a-fake-identity-way (especially not in a Batman-supressed-1960’s-homo-erotism-kind-of-a-way). It’s a pinch of Batman (not Adam West style) and a smidgeon Guardian Angels (minus the snappy berets.) Except no where as cool, yet still slightly cooler then the Batman TV show (as good as the words, ZAP, POW, and BOFF are). Yes I come in the night and barely strike fear in the hearts of litter bugs – not everywhere, mostly Norwich.

The first time was a few years ago, walking back via the Avenues there was a drunken man walking along blithely throwing his chip papers behind him. It was his blitheness that angered me. So slyly I followed him picking up all that he dropped (which was everything that he bought including his chips) and when he entered his home off the Avenues I deposited all that he dropped all over his front lawn. HA Ha ha ha ha!

Last night I stuck again. We were watching the movie Rebecca up stairs when as we took a break for a second Chris happened to look out the window to see some very loud students waiting for the 25 bus throw a pint of milk into our front lawn. Now I had reached my boiling point with litter – I was sick of students acting like animals throwing their rubbish in our front lawn, and I was doubly sick of drunk people littering as they had been lately in Cadfael and our favorite park we visit daily where some drunkards weekly leave Indian food, cookies, crisps, countless cans, and now smashed bottles for me to try to keep Cadfael out of. I had reached breaking point. I ran down stairs, opened the front door, picked up offending open container of milk, and hurled it at the bus, and quickly ran back inside. I wish I hit the guy who threw it, that would have made a good story. Instead (as the way things go with vigilantes) I hit the wrong guy, to the exclamation of “Oi, you bastard.” That’s a fair point. I only hope he got on the bus saying “Some one threw milk on me.” The guy who then originally threw the milk laughs; and the guy with milk on him punches him out. Oh well.

In sad news, Don Knotts, of comedian of my liking fame, has passed away. I like to think I’m a vigilante in the style of his Barney Fife only with less bug eyed expressions and I don’t end up stuck on roofs or being chased by a goat.*







*(Not sure if any of those things ever happened on the Andy Griffith Show but I can only imagine they would.)