A Heck of Hecklers

I got heckled. Okay so to define heckle it is to harass a public speaker, I was not doing the public speaking, the heckler was. So was I just harassed? Well, yes. I went to the Comedy Store at the Forum¹ with Ginger Chris and Faye² (and half the Chicago Sketch crew were there too.) I have a lot of side note stories but I’ll try to stay focused or footnoted. So the show was going okay, I was worried about the heckling because we were sitting right up front but to the side of the stage. The first two acts and the MC³ seemed to totally ignore us, but the last guy, he went for it. He was Canadian, and he was into his – what we in the comedy call ‘blue humor’ – which means just getting as gross and offensive as you possibly can4. I won’t go into detail due to some of our young readers, but I’ll skip to the heckle5. He saw our lovely group and said we looked like some sort of ‘teen drama’ and then he singled me out and said that I didn’t look old enough to be there, what was I fourteen?, and then went on to a crude joke about how for Christmas I want to get my period. Though scary thought I have been getting my period for fourteen years. Okay enough of that. Well I see it like Faye said if the worst a heckler can say is “oh you look young.” You can’t really complain.

¹ Chris used to work this event when he worked at the Origins Attraction, but then he use to answer the phone Oranges Attraction, not to be funny but just because he is Chris.

² G. Chris and Faye and I have been going out recently during the week which is very nice last week we went to see Life Aquatic6 which was funny, but then I love Bill Murray.

³ I didn’t think the acts were all that side splitting, but the MC was good.

4 It is not my favorite kind of humor, it can be funny in small doses, but it is just too simple and not really clever enough for me to fully appreciate it. I’m not alone at one point a group tried to get him off stage by slowly clapping in time with each other. I thought that was a bit harsh, but then I also though at the time they were clapping for someone’s birthday or something.

5 I got heckled/harassed once (well a few times7 – but this one time) the guy meowed at me – not a cat hiss but a friendly meow. Which after much thought I decided that if there was one animal noise to make at a woman, a cat meow is the most complimentary. I mean think about it: Dog? Pig? Cow? Ape? Horse? Sheep? Rabbit? 8 Dormouse? 9 Wombat? Lesser White Toothed Shrew? You get the idea.

6 I’ve been helping out in the drama studio lately with Jordana. As I was helping I went and put on some goggles, - because fire proofing kept falling in my eyes – she found this funny – the goggles not the eye damage – she said I was like a character out of a Wes Anderson film, I took this as a compliment and continued to wear the goggles.

7 I had this guy one time say “Damn girl, nice hips.” What does that mean? What? Why would you feel compelled to say that to someone? Are they nice hips? Are they being facetious? Why are they looking at my hips?

8 What noise does a rabbit make? I know, do you?

9 Cutest animal in the whole wide world, but then I find short, fat, big eared animals the best. Wombat, corgi, dormouse, etc.

I should stop now, I know there were more points10 I wanted to make but we’ve reached the point in which I’m doing footnotes inside footnotes, its getting to be like a choose your own adventure book. To sit at the newsstand and read Moby Dick while slightly despairing of humanity turn to page 34. To hide in the newsstand and start doing a puppet show with your socks turn to page 42.

10 I saw a guy holding his wife’s hand and on his forearm was a tattoo of his wife’s name and a picture of her in sexy lingerie11. How uncomfortable is that, seeing a person and immediately knowing what the look like in bra and panties.

11 I’m guessing based on her birthing hips and Mum bum that it done was before she had the kids they were walking with, again awkward.

I’ll stop now.










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